An Odious Ode to Pumpkin Spice

Here is why pumpkin spice is overrated.

Mikaela Georgi, Copy Editor

Here’s the problem: every year at the end of August, millions of companies around the country seem to be at their last grasp. 

From New Year’s to Valentine’s or Easter to Fourth of July, business owners always had some sort of attraction or event that drew in customers. Until Halloween, at the end of October, though, the bland period between the beginning of August to Halloween cannot be filled with anything. 

As a desperate, foolish urge to save their drowning businesses, ignorant companies set out pumpkins, come out with pumpkin flavors, and scream, “Welcome to Autumn!” in your faces as soon as you walk through the door. To be clear, it’s pronounced “August,” not “autumn.”

While setting out pumpkin spice too early is in and of itself a problem, I can see the appeal. Especially in pandemic times, people need something to look forward to. The real, inherent problem lies in pumpkin spice flavored food and drinks. Frankly, pumpkin spice is an abomination to society. 

Considering the fact that most “pumpkin spice” drinks do not contain actual pumpkin, what are we really getting out of this whole pumpkin spice craze?

Pumpkin spice lattes are “in season” around the country.

Okay, I will admit that I’ve been known to indulge myself in one of Starbucks’ pumpkin spice latte as a celebration for time passing, but all of these companies are operating under the strange delusion that the flavor of pumpkins and pumpkin spice should be slapped on everything from cookies to coffee to bagels to waffles.

They have made a gross overestimation. By displaying their seasonal items too early, the excitement for autumn quickly dies down. People begin to realize that grinding up artificial pumpkin flavoring and shoving it into their morning coffees is a horrifying way to proceed. 

It has gotten so bad that even pumpkin spice is tired of pumpkin spice. So, when you inevitably get sick of the pumpkin spice craze, there’s no need to worry; there will probably be a Christmas flavor to try by the end of October.